420 ftw
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
