I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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