just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
