the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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