You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
