so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Randomize
