My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
