dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
