i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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