Sober January is a disaster.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
