eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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