went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Pants are for mortals
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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