so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
