This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
