i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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