So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
