He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
