either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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