The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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