there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize