I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
