what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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