Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
