I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
