They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
