...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
