forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
