Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
