What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
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