I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
