i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
