if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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