It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
