so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
