Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dicks are not precious.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
