found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i think my cat just said my name.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
