I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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