someone threw a dead crab at me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
