Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
