Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
