i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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