Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm lost and stupid without you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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