Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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