i would punch a child for taco bell
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
