i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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