Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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