whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
