She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
