I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
