I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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