look no pants
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
