Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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