How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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