Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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