i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
