I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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