Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it's like heaven, but drunker
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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