i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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