i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize