saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
