i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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