this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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