You're so nebulous sometimes
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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