Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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