At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.