We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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