HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm