Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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