dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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