I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
