i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
