his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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