You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
