Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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