I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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