Someone shit on the floor
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
